Overcoming the Long-Term Effects of Early Attachment Trauma and Shame

Early childhood experiences are foundational to emotional, psychological, and social development. When a child faces trauma, experiences deep shame, or suffers from poor attachment to caregivers, the effects can ripple throughout their entire life, influencing their mental health, relationships, and overall well-being.

One of the most significant long-term impacts of early trauma is its effect on emotional regulation. Individuals with a history of trauma may struggle with anxiety, depression, and chronic stress throughout adulthood. The experience of trauma often leads to difficulties in managing intense emotions, making it harder to cope with everyday stressors. Moreover, the feeling of shame—often internalized during childhood—can lead to low self-esteem, self-criticism, and pervasive feelings of unworthiness, which may prevent individuals from fully engaging in relationships or pursuing their goals.

Trauma and poor attachment in early life can result in insecure attachment styles—anxious, avoidant, or disorganized—that hinder the ability to form and maintain healthy, trusting relationships. As adults, individuals may struggle with intimacy, often fearing rejection or becoming overly dependent on others. The emotional wounds of early attachment disruptions can also lead to a pattern of seeking out toxic or abusive relationships, unconsciously recreating the emotional environment of their past.

Trauma survivors often develop distorted thought patterns, such as believing they are inherently flawed or that the world is unsafe. These cognitive distortions can shape an individual’s sense of self and influence their worldview, affecting their behavior and interactions with others. Furthermore, without proper emotional support, individuals may struggle with empathy, making it harder to understand or connect with the emotions of others.

The emotional toll of early trauma can also take a physical toll. A longitudinal study published in 1998 by Kaiser Permanente showed that chronic stress, resulting from unresolved trauma and shame, is linked to a variety of health problems, including heart disease, gastrointestinal issues, and chronic pain. The body’s prolonged stress response can weaken the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illnesses. As a result of this research the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) screening form was created and is now frequently used by physicians and clinicians to identify long -term risk factors from trauma and abuse.

The long-term effects of early trauma, shame, and poor attachment can feel overwhelming, but healing is possible. Trauma-informed therapy approaches can help individuals process their past experiences and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Learning how to recognize and regulate emotions is key to emotional safety.

Feelings of deep and unconscious shame often go hand-in-hand with poor attachment and early trauma. The core belief of being tragically flawed and unworthy of love and belonging, as defined by shame researcher Brene Brown, can result in unhealthy coping patterns of behavior such as substance abuse, self-harm, co-dependency, avoidance, and many others, as a way to numb the emotional pain carried from early experiences.

In my forty+ years of being a therapist and educator, I have found that addressing the core shame wound is an important aspect of healing trauma. As early shame researcher Gershan Kaufman says, “Like a wound made from the inside by an unseen hand, shame disrupts the natural functioning of the self. If we are to understand and eventually heal what ails the self, then we must begin with shame.”

Stephen Porges Polyvagal Theory is a helpful tool in working with early trauma and shame. Porges describes how the nervous system’s response to stress has evolved over time and emphasizes the social engagement system as an important aspect of emotional regulation and safety. He recommends four therapeutic “R”s in overcoming trauma and shame. These are: Recognize, Respect, Regulate, and Re-story. Therapists who are able to work with these effectively can help clients demystify the long-term effects of trauma and bring new light into healing the nervous system’s patterns of response.

Recognizing the lasting impact of early trauma is the first step toward recovery. With the right tools, support, and resources, individuals can heal from the wounds of the past and create a brighter future for themselves.

References:

Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Routledge

Brown, B. (2007). I thought it was just me (but it isn’t): Making the journey from “What will people think?” to “I am enough.” NY: Avery.

Crittenden, P. M. (2008). The Dynamic Maturation Model of Attachment. W.W. Norton & Company.

Felitti, V.J., Anda, R.F., Nordenberg, D., Williamson, D.F., Spitz, A.M., Edwards, V., Koss, M.P., & Marks, J.S.(1998). Relationship of childhood abuse and household dysfunction to many of the leading causes of death in adults. The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study. Am J Prev Med.1998 May;14(4):245-58.

Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life’s Challenges. New Harbinger Publications.

Herringa, R.J. Trauma, PTSD, and the Developing Brain. Current Psychiatry Reports 19, 69 (2017).

Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The aftermath of violence–from domestic abuse to political terror. Basic Books.

Kaufman, G. (1989). The psychology of shame: Theory and treatment of shame-based syndromes. Springer Publishing Co.

Schore, A. N. (2003). Affect Regulation and the Origin of the Self: The neurobiology of emotional development. Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN). (2003). The Impact of Early Childhood Trauma on Emotional Development.

van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.