More Walk, Less Talk
It can be difficult to witness the people we love in emotional pain. Oftentimes we try to fix it. Make it better. Talk them out of it. What if we instead stopped talking, and starting walking through the pain with them?
Emotions come up for a reason. They are like messages from the heart, saying please pay attention to me. Like warning lights on our car. They are there for a reason.
Whenever we try to talk someone out of their feelings, we not only dismiss their pain, we also send a message that there is something wrong with them. When, actually there is something right. Something seeking compassion and healing is signaling.
It wasn’t until the 20th Century when we researched emotional development and realized that the old ways of trying not to feel uncomfortable emotions, actually makes them worse. As psychologist Carl Jung said-“What we resist persists, and often grows stronger.”
I invite you to challenge yourself the next time you witness someone in pain. Instead of saying something like-“at least you still have a job,” or “better things are coming,” or “everything happens for a reason.” Say something like this instead:
- That’s sounds really hard.
- That is so sad.
- I’m here if you need a hug or a shoulder to cry on.
- It’s hard to go to through pain.
- You are so brave to feel your feelings.
- Tears are so healing.
And, then check-in with yourself about what you are feeling. Your need to “fix” someone else, may be a way you numb your own feelings. Yes, what we see others, is also something that is in us. Are you afraid to feel? What messages have you been taught about uncomfortable emotions?
I truly believe we all need one big collective hug and an exhale. Times are hard right now. The pandemic, politic unrest. racial injustice, mass shootings, economic hardships, etc. The list goes on and on. So many people need to be held and loved through the tough times.
Let’s face it, toxic positivity is killing our souls, almost as tragically as guns are killing our bodies.
More walk, less talk.